How to Deal with Reverse Culture Shock and the Return Home

The return home can be harder than leaving. We often overlook dealing with reverse culture shock as part of the living abroad experience.

Before I returned home, I read the book Vagabonding by Rolf Potts, and if anyone is interested in long-term budget travel, this book is a great resource that provides tips and links. The last chapter, in particular, spoke to me. The author says that reentry to home life is hard, but it should be treated as an adventure that must be confronted. 

Although I didn’t know if I was staying or going, I knew that this chapter was important. But one line in particular I read I kept tucked in my mental notepad: treat it like an adventure.

My Return Home

I arrived home on February 20th, 2019. The first three weeks were good. I ate all the food I missed, saw a few friends and family, traveled to Paris with my mom, and decided I was leaving for Chile in three months…but then the lockdown happened, and my “reverse culture shock” and realization that I was here for awhile peaked at the same time. It was like a bucket of cold water thrown on me. This was a reality; I’m home.

If you choose to come home because you’re ready or your time living abroad has come to an end, maybe it is a bit easier than being back for things out of your control because it’s on your terms. Regardless it will be rough, a place that is supposed to feel familiar no longer does, and you aren’t the same person. You think you are, and then you come home, and that is when you realize how much you change.

My two cents // Mis dos centavos

One of the things that helped me deal with my reverse culture shock was identifying the things triggering me and making the transition harder. I think the triggers depend on your location, family life, and experience. They can be totally different, but here are mine.

My triggers:

• Walmart. Specifically the potato chip aisle. Why do people need 1,000 chip options? This is the question I kept asking myself as I walked up and down the aisle. It seems quite silly, but I think it has something to do with the excessiveness of it all (IMO). If you have a logical and reasonable explanation, let me know. Also the size of vegetables. Like what happens to them here. There are 5 (maybe I’m exaggerating) times smaller.

• Speaking with friends. Disclaimer: If any of my friends read this, know I love you, this is a reflection of my experience, not you by any means. We have had different life experiences and want different things from life. Finding common ground was hard at times. It was nice to catch up and listen to all they have done, but our life milestones looked very different. They had a promotion, relationships, engagements, grad school, and buying houses to show for their year (all wonderful accomplishments), but my equally filling accomplishments were different. I had lived abroad and made a life, lived through a social uprising, traveled to cool places with my best friend, and checked things off my bucket list. I also was that friend (I tried not to be) who started a sentence with “when I lived in Chile,” but it was my life; it was my experience to share. To be clear, I do not think it means you stop being friends, but there is something about those situations and conversations that make you feel lonely when your home, but some relationships change, and that’s okay too.

• Being home with family. Being abroad, you are completely independent. You gain a new sense of confidence and independence, but suddenly, you aren’t your own person when you are back home. My family was like great, another to do things such as going to the supermarket and walking the dog. Being used to being on your own not answering anyone, I found myself shaking my head a few times and quite frustrated. Suddenly my schedule was at the mercy of others.

• Individualism in the U.S.A. This was a mixture of looking at my home country from an outside perspective, the election, and the pandemic. This is a whole other topic that can be discussed on its own, but that was one of my triggers. I did not and still do not understand why wearing a mask is a political statement (wear a mask, please).

There are more, but these are some of the big ones.

My Tips for Reverse Culture Shock

• Routine. I found ways to incorporate my routine in Chile at home. Cooking meals I learned and taking advantage of the local markets near me. I still went to Walmart (sigh), and I occasionally walk the chip aisle still very much in confusion, but it’s not as scary.  
• Friends. I leaned into my friends who shared similar experiences (working and living abroad and returning home) and similar goals. The tricky part is they are scattered throughout the U.S and the globe, but I felt more energized, seen, and less alone when I talked to them. Again, I do not think you stop being friends, but it’s important to recognize that sometimes relationship dynamics shift.
• Being open. I was open with friends and family about some of my struggles and adjusting to life in NY in the midst of a pandemic.
• Make a list. I made a list of the things I wanted to eat, places, or things that opened up in the city I didn’t get to see, like Hudson Yards and The Edge. I think this helps with creating an adventure out of it. Rediscovering your city. For more tips, you can follow my Insta.

The final tip: Treat it as another adventure

The beauty of long term travel or living abroad is the adventure of it all. Learning about the culture, places, and history. You get a new perspective, a new way of thinking. You self reflect and rediscover who you are and what you are capable of. Continuing this mindset is important when returning home. I started having those self-important talks about life and what I want, like how you reflect on life when you are abroad.

Here is a condensed much cleaner version from my journal for anyone curious or wants an idea of what I am talking about.

NYC has this energy, and you almost can’t describe it (iykyk). It’s an electrifying flow that requires you to jump into it. But, if I am honest, I never found my footing back into it as I have before. I love this city, but it’s not the place for me. My passion is traveling, living abroad, and sharing the experience as a Latinx woman. That is my path.

En Fin

It will be hard, and it will be frustrating. The honeymoon phase will be over quickly; it’s just part of the cycle. But creating similar routines, leaning into those friends on similar life paths, patience (lots of it), and honestly, what the book said, treat it as an adventure like something new to discover. That can be your city, town, friends, family, or maybe yourself (as cheesy as that sounds).